Do You Like Food???

Description:

Our signature breakfast pizza made fresh with eggs country ham & aged cheddar.

Review:

So this morning my lady and went over to our local breakfast shop Scramble. The place is a great addition to our area and their menu is both breakfasty and Arizonaee. When I got in there my Italian stallion kicked into gear and I ordered the brizza with ham and cheese. Fuck yeah! Sounds good. A pizza, a breakfast, hams, eggs, and cheese pizza I can has. I got this thing and was like, “Ah, no’s. I don’t like.” Basically it comes down to this. Look how bready that pizza crust is. It dried my mouth out and I couldn’t taste shit mang. I mean it is filling and somewhat tasty but I think it’s really not the best idea ever. Honestly this place is awesome, I’m just not recommending the Brizza. We eat there all the time.

Score:

I’m going to be sort of a dick and give this thing a 4.69 out of 10. Honesty great idea, but very dry and in the end it doesn’t work out so well. I mean this is probably my dream breakfast when I was perhaps 5 years old…pizza and breakfast? I says fuck yeah, but no it doesn’t work out that well. Their slogan is breakfast is back…welp I say just gimme 2 eggs, 2 bacons, 2 toasts, and some hashbrowns like my daddy used to do. No brizza for me please.

Ingredients:

Pizza dough, eggs from hicks, some dang ol’ chedda, rednecked pigs.

Location: 9832 N. 7th st, Phoenix, AZ 85020

Description:

Oven roasted turkey breast, hot pastrami, swiss on toasted onion bun with your choice of mustard or mayo. spices. served with organic blue corn tortilla chips and homemade salsa.

Review:

So on this day we cruised over to the ol’ Jason’s Deli. I know an exec dude at my old work who refused to go there because he said it’s dirty. I eat at Filiberto’s!!! What do I care??? Anyways I disagree. Shit’s clean. I degress.

So I ordered my mainstay. Bird to the Wise mang cuz shit’s good. You get pastramies, turkeys, and the more pastramies onna onion bun. Honestly love this sandwich but in the future have to order it without mayo and extra mustard. No reason to put dang ol’ mayo on a pastrami mang. Also if you order this be sure to have you cobra mouth ready to go. Sandwich is huge. They made this thing like a Brontosaurus Rex wants to eat it! I kinda wish I were a Brontosaurus Rex…I would def’s recommend this sandwich and deli to anyone. Iz sooo good.

Score:

I’m gonna give this thing a 8.9 out of 10. Chips onna menu don’t match but that’s okays because I like Ruffles and not as much black tortilla chips and salsa. Shit is a bite full for sure so get your PacMan jaws on if you wanna dig into this thang.

Ingredients:

Some birdy aka turkey cold, a fuck load of pastrami hot, stank cheese aka swiss, onion buns, mayo…too much, mustard…too little, spices…okay yeah right, a pickle…yums, and some ruffles…not organic blue corn tortilla chips and homemade salsa but whatev’s.

Location:

10605 N. Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale, AZ 85254

Review: I’m not going to lie to you, I’m not a fan of Paradise Bakery. I think it’s expensive, pretentious, foods no good, and just the epitome of everything fake and bad in Scottsdale.

But I have to say, I have invented the best dang sandwich Paradise Bakery could possibly make for you. Check it out, it’s simple. Ham & Swiss on a croissant! Also get it without that faggy mustard sauce they wanna put on it. Just croissant, ham, Swiss, mayo, and regular mustard and this is basically the best sandwich the PB can make you…but fair warning, it will be expensive.

Also I want to say that their croissants are not even that good. When the dude you work with starts telling you how PB’s croissants are “to die for” you immediately tell him he’s a momma’s boy for saying that shit and then call him out on the internet. That’s right, I’m stating that these croissants are a’ight and since I did it right here on the internets, I freakin’ win because someday in the future some kid is going to be writing his research paper on Paradise Bakery and come across my blog and he’ll be all, “and they had a’ight croissants!” (Spohn, doyoulikefood.com).

I need to get another thing off my mind…this sandwich didn’t come with that pasta salad. I had to pay for that shit and it was like $5 or something…meanwhile the sandwich which comes with a cookie was like $9 and then a drink was like $3…so seriously, this was a $16 or $17 lunch! eff that!!! Don’t buy the pasta. It’s not that good or worth it. $5 could feed a college student Ramen noodles for a month.

Also let’s talk about the cookie. Ya’ll are on crack thinking PB has the best cookies. They’re not even cooked…and not in the that Yum! so soft and fresh way…like they are straight up, not even done cooking…ever…cookies suck yo.

Score: I’m going to give this thing a 5.21. I’m slicing points for costing too much, croissants aren’t that good, damn gross ass cookie, and being everything that sucks about Scottsdale. 

Ingredients: Croissant, ham, the holey white cheese, mayonnaise, mustard, and cookie.

Location: 14884 N Pima Rd, Suite 101, Scottsdale, AZ, 85260

References:

Spohn, Dann. “Paradise Bakery Ham & Swiss.” DoYouLikeFood.com. 16 June 2009. Do You Like Food. <http://doyoulikefood.com/2009/06/16/paradise-bakery-ham-swiss>

Description: 2 eggs, bacon & cheese between layers of hash browns. Eggs are cooked to order.

Review: Sunday mornings I’m usually hungry as hell for breakfast and this Sunday Morning was no exception! I had the eggs, bacon and toast devil in me for sure! Wanting to try something new and breakfasty I navigated my internet browser, Mac FireFox3.0.11, to phoenixnewtimes.com and found a breakfasty restaurant not too far in an ol’ Taco Bell called Over Easy.

Upon reviewing the menu, first I was set on a traditional 2 egg breakfast…but then I thought to myself, “W-T-Double hockysticks? I’m gonna go crazy on this place,” and ordered the Wolf Pack. So I didn’t even know what this thing was. The description made no dang sense to me and I asked ma’ lady, “Is this a sammich or what???” Well it turns out it’s exactly what it says it is; a layer of hashbrowns, a layer of bacon, a layer of eggs cooked your style, and then a top layer of hashbrowns.

Now you might be thinking to yourself…or screaming at your monitor…or somewhere in between there, I don’t know, “Dann this is too much hashbrowns and plus that looks like a pile of trash in your pic!” And I would say, “Dear DYLF reader, hells yeah you are right. The presentation is kind of sloppy, that’s too much hashbrowns and there’s no reason for any of this! I couldn’t eat it like a sandwich or nothing!”

But I have to be honest, I heard 3 other tables around me order the Wolf Pack so it may be good to some people, just not me. I’m not a trash compactor. I like to taste my food one item at a time. I don’t wanna eat my food all like a bunk bed of breakfasts stacked on top of each other, I’m more of a horizontal food eater. The stacking creates problems like, ketchup should not go on eggs, bacon, or cheese, but should go on hashbrowns only. Meanwhile eating in this fashion everything got ketchuped.

Other than the presentation, my breakfast was great. I think this is a great restaurant to eat at, but not a great dish for me to eat. If you think I’m a dick and are saying to yourself, “It all goes in the same place anyways,” fine you eat it.

Score: I’m going to score this thing at a 5.0. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good. I would definitely check this place out again but I’ll go with a more traditional 2 eggs breakfast.

Ingredients: Eggs, cheese, bacon, and potatoes.

Location: 4031 N. 40th Street, Phoenix, AZ 85018

Description: Charbroiled All-Beef Patty, Two Strips of Bacon, Melted American Cheese, Two Crispy Onion Rings and Tangy BBQ Sauce on a Toasted Sesame Seed Bun.

Review: When I was a kid the Western Bacon was one of my favorite burgers. Forget about Whoppers and Big Macs cos I was all down for putting an onion ring and BBQ sauce on my hamburgers.

Fast forward to today; I honestly don’t think this is the best fast food sandwich anymore. I think everything has changed about it. Well basically it seems like Carl’s Jr has changed all of their vendors and quality of products. Ingredients are still the same, it just tastes different. Carl’s Jr. buns are now kind of waxy, their burgers don’t taste that good, and the bacon is just chewy fat strips. I hate these sandwiches now. Not going to eat one again…or at least not for awhile.

p.s. I had to order their onion rings because they changed up their fries. I’m sorry but I loved their French fries, but their new ones are the worst. These onion rings suck too!

p.s.s. Why’s all Carl’s Jr.’s have these fucked up trays? Well at least the last two I’ve been to have trays that are all wacky and spin around like a lazy Susan.

Score: Givin’ this thing a 3.24. It’s not that good but it’ll do the trick in a pinch.

Ingredients: Hamburger, BBQ sauce, cheese, sesame seed bunz, fried onions and fatty bacon strips.

Location: 15144 N Northsight Blvd, Scottsdale, AZ

Description: This is the aristocrat of all burgers because we crown it with a fresh fried egg. Also, topped with three strips of hickory-smoked bacon, American cheese, crisp lettuce, tomatoes and mayo.

Review: Sometimes life is a compromise. Like when my lunch buddies at work want to drag me to Applebee’s or Chili’s or some shit for lunch…I compromise with Red Robin. We’re still talking shitty food from all the same venders but at least they have bottomless steak fries and other perks.

The biggest advantage of eating here is that I can get a Royal Red Robin Burger. Basically this means a regular hamburger with an egg laid on top of it. How sick is that? If you know anything about me, you know that I love fried eggs on top of anything; pancakes, beef, asian rice bowls, anything!

Okay so yeah, the egg, it’s awesome. Let’s talk about what’s not awesome. Lettuce. Order this thing without lettuce and you will thank me in the morning. I mean something so beautiful is an egg on a hamburger doesn’t need to be ruined by warm vegetation! See the description? Where they are all “crisp lettuce?” That shit is lies and we both know it. Fuckin’ say no lettuce.

Some other ideas for this sandwich are; sprinkle some of that Red Robin seasoning on it. It’s pretty good. Order it with a chocolate milkshake. That can’t be bad.

Oh and Red Robin’s has a pretty sweet deal where their French fries are all you can eat…or as I like to call it, the kids eat for free special. So if you have like 20 effin’ kids, please take them here and feed them all these French fries, meanwhile you get to mow down on this tasty sammich.

Score: I’m going to have to score this thing a 8.25. With lettuce I think I would drop it down to a 6.79.

Ingredients: Bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, burgers, buns, and French fries.

Location: 8970 E. Shea Blvd., Scottsdale, AZ 85260

Review: Basically here’s what went down, Arby’s had some deal for a French dip value meal for $5 but I also wanted some beef & cheddar sandwiches and they were 2 for $5…well you see how much I spend on lunch everyday so I didn’t think it was really a big deal to roll with both when I typically spend $10 to $15 on lunch anyways.

I know what you’re saying…”fat American!” and that’s totally true, well unless you saw me person and then you would tell me I’m too skinny and need to eat a burrito…unless I take off my shirt, then you’ll see my big fat love handles and big fat bitch tits…and if I take off my pants, you’ll see my big fat dick! So yeah, I’m a fat American!

Score: This was an awesome lunch! I didn’t eat it all but I got to eat all the stuff I wanted to. I’m going to score it 8.93!

Ingredients: Roast beef, bread, au jus, twirly french fries and Coke.

Location: 7204 E Shea Blvd, Scottsdale, AZ

Review: In the airpark is a little gyros place. It’s probably the best place up there for just standard gyros and a good way to get a little change from the regular old traditional restaurants. So that’s why today we decided to hit Greek Gyros up.

I ordered the Gyro Value Meal. It comes with a gyro sandwich, french fries, and a fountain soda. The gyro is quite tasty. It’s freshly cut off of one of those rotating gyro meat cookers, which is key for gyro sandwiches. The tzatziki sauce has little bits of cucumber in it which makes it really good. I like to order an extra side of sauce for mine.

Their french fries are pretty good. They are much like french fries you find in a lot of these gyro places, kind of like smaller steak fries. We will call these gyro place cut fries. I bet the get them all at the same place along with their Kronos gyro meat or whatever that stuff is.

Score: I’m going to give this lunch a 7.89. It’s all around a good gyro.

Ingredients: Gyro meats, pita bread, tzatziki sauce, onions, tomatoes, frenchly fried potatoes, and some soda pop.

Location: 15090 N Northsight Blvd, Scottsdale, AZ 85260

Review: Today we did some lunchy lunch at Habanero’s Mexican Grill. I got some dang nachos. Well these were the ground beef kind of nachos. They have a whole array of meats you can choose from, but today this seemed best. So for like $6 bucks these nachos totally kick ass. There isn’t any bullshit like lettuce or tomatoes on this thing. Just the goods and not the trash. And as you can see there are plenty of jalepenoes so you can tell this is a man’s nachoes. Keep these bad boys away from your little girl of a son. He’ll be crying like the bitch struck out at a tee ball game after one taste of these bold flava’s flav.

Hey, one thing you need to watch out for, is don’t eat outside if it’s cold and windy. See the thing about nachos is there is a lot of surface area for the cool air to get to it so it cools off quickly unlike a burrito that gots all it’s fillin’s on the inside keeping it all bubbley hot. Today for whatever reason it was cold enough to make my shit too cold to eat quickly. This was not a good feature of lunch guys.

Score: I’m going to give these nachoes a 8.34 for simplicities sake and overall home meal feeling. I never feel like I’m eating in Scottsdale when I’m at Habenaro’s…it’s more like your mom’s house.

Ingredients: Chips (black, orange, and yellow), sour cream, guacamole, jalapenos, and cheese…coulda been other stuff too but i don’t remember.

Location: 14870 N Northsight Blvd, Scottsdale, AZ 85260

Review: Today at Macayo’s I ordered something off of the lunch menu called Tostadas del Mucho. I didn’t really know what it was cuz  I don’t speak Spanish or nothing, but honestly what I really wanted was a bean & cheese chimichanga but they don’t offer that so I just ordered whatever cuz I just didn’t care no more.

Well even my with my gringo Spanish I should have realized Tostadas del Mucho just means a lot of tostada. This is retarded, who would ever wanna giant fuckin’ tostada? Giant burrito’s? I’ve heard of that. They are called burros. People like them but they will never like a giant tostada! Don’t kid yourself Macayo’s.

As far as the food went. It was a’ight. I liked the tostada shell. That was some yummy stuff. I didn’t like the meat. I think I just don’t like shredded beef on my dang giant tostada and plus their shredded beef was a little bit sweet which isn’t my favorite kinda shredded beef. I like it spicy like a mug. There was too much effin’ lettuce on this thing too. I mean, come on guys I’m not uh Easter Bunny. Did I hide eggs all over your yard or what??? WTF?

Score: This thing is going to get a score of 5.75. I mean it’s giant and that’s cool, but it’s a tostada…no one cares to tell you the truth. Get it without meat. You don’t need to eat that much meat anyways. Trust me you’ll live if you don’t eat every animal in sight.

Ingredients: Giant tostada shell, beans, shredded beef, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, guacamole, and cheese.

Location: 11107 N. Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale, AZ 85254